11 Action Figures From ’90s Movies That Never Deserved To Exist

Why?

1. “Amy with Communicator Backpack” from Congo

amazon.com

amazon.com

 

I know! An action figure of that nice gorilla with a sign-language-translating backpack. That’ll sell.

2. “Fillin’ Station Barney” from The Flinstones (Rick Moranis)

amazon.com

upload.wikimedia.org

 

Yea, let’s not only make a Barney Rubble action figure but let’s make one for specifically when he was a gas station attendant.

3. “Beldar Conehead in Suburban Uniform” from Coneheads (Dan Aykroyd)

amazon.com

upload.wikimedia.org

 

If we sell ‘em in different outfits we will make more money off these pointless toys.

4. “Cyro-Chamber Will Robinson with Magnet Attack Micro-Spiders” from Lost in Space (Jack Johnson)

amazon.com

amazon.com

 

Does it have magnet attack micro-spiders? Good.

5. “Evil Eye Benedict, Stunt Figure,” from Last Action Hero (Charles Dance…aka Tywin Lannister!!!)

amazon.com

 

Is this guy even in the movie? Who cares. Make him an action figure!

6. “Harry, Bendable Figurine” from Harry and the Hendersons

amazon.com

tristatehotbiz.com

 

So what if there wasn’t any action in the movie, the world wants toys!

7. “Robert Muldoon, with Firing Tranq Bazooka” from Jurassic Park (Bob Peck)

amazon.com

upload.wikimedia.org

 

Who cares that the movie was about the fallibility of man when he uses science to play God, get that big-game-hunting head of security made into an action figure ASAP! And give him a weapon he didn’t have in the movie. And a dinosaur.

8. “Guile, in Paratrooper Uniform” from Street Fighter (Jean-Claude Van Damme)

amazon.com

upload.wikimedia.org

 

Listen, you make a plastic Jean-Claude Van Damme and you give him a goddamn parachute and then you make money. That’s how this business works.

9. “Fireman Ethan Hunt” from Mission Impossible (Tom Cruise)

amazon.com

upload.wikimedia.org

 

Same goes for Tom Cruise and a fireman’s outfit.

10. “Talking Turbo Man” from Jingle All the Way

amazon.com

ecx.images-amazon.com

 

I don’t give a shit if the whole point of the movie was to expose the hollow, empty center of a life that is controlled by consumerism — the kids will cry for ‘em so the parents will fucking buy ‘em!

11. “Smoker Thunder Ski with Berserker Rider” from Waterworld

amazon.com

amazon.com

 

We still have plastic? Christ, I don’t know. Make some fucking Jet Ski guys from that movie where the Field of Dreams dude drinks his own pee.

Read more: http://buzzfeed.com/isaacfitzgerald/turning-trash-into-cash

Comments

comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *