I am kind of convinced that no one reads the bios on dating sites anymore.
I am actually so convinced that I once put I love DRAMA, Burning Man, and am ready to have babies like, yesterday! on my Bumble profile. Only two men noticed, and only one knew it was a joke.
My first writing job was actually helping a professional dating and relationship coach ghostwrite profiles for her clients. Men who were workaholics became driven, and women who had successful careers became passionate about their hobbies as not to intimidate or emasculate their suitors (.)
It was an interesting peek into gender stereotypes, what attracts us to one another,and most importantly, what kinds of words and pictures attract the kind of people.
I reached out to Lori Salkin, matchmaker and dating coach, andonline dating expertJulie Spira to figure out what exactly we be putting in our dating profiles to get the kind of guys we want and deserve. If were really looking for love, then we need to present ourselves accurately to the world and online, right?
Plus, Spira tells me that 70 to 80 percentof people on dating apps are looking for long-term, meaningful relationships.
So heres how to fix your profile to reallyfind the guys who want to settle down and to avoid the sh*tty ones.
When youlet your best guy friend pick your photos
According to Spira, men are visual creatures, so most likely, your guy best friend will choose photos where you look your hottest not ones that reflect your actual personality or that make you seem approachable if you leave it up to him.
If youre the girl-next-door type, dont let your guy BFF talk you into putting scandalous pics online just because you look great in them, especially if theyre not an indicator of your true personality.
When you have too many bikini pics
Want to post that bathing suitshot? Think twice, Spira advises.
While you might have looked amazing on that one vacation you took in Cancun, dont be surprised if you [match with]a sexter.
You get what you put out into the world, so if youre putting up pictures of yourself in glorified lingerie, youll most likely get someone who only ever wants to see you in lingerie not someone who wants to introduce you to their parents.
When youre not real in your photos or bio
If you are a quiet, introverted academic who wants to attract a likeminded, focused professional, do not describe yourself as someone who loves to party and goes out to bars and clubs all the time. Even though it may make you sound cooler, the truth is, you would never work with a guy who is a partier, Salkin explains.
So for example, Salkin says if you are a sorority girl who loves the nightlife, talk about how you work hard and play hard. But post pictures of yourself doing something like camping, or you might snag yourself a lumberjack who has no interest in a late night out with you.
When you dont show a of photos of yourself
Salkin also advises that while you might love yoga, not all your pictures should be of you drenched in sweat and wearing Lululemon pants. Put up a collection of pictures that give viewers an accurate portrayal of your day-to-day life. But remember, authenticity is key.
If you are not a downhill skier but took one pic once that looks super professional but is totally inaccurate, dont post it as if tosay your favorite activity is skiing, Salkin says.
When youre totally unfiltered
Apparently, filter your photos on dating apps can actually be a good thing to do, as long as you dont go far, according to Salkin.
Dont hesitate to run the pics through your Instagram filter once or twice. As long as your pictures truly look like you, its OK, shesays.
But maybe dont go on Facetune or Photoshop. She jokes, Dont we all a guy who is totally bald, but only posts pics from 10 years ago with a full head of hair.
So when it comes to online dating profiles, it turns out that accuracy is key. If youre truly looking for a relationship, then you need to portray yourself authentically online
But dont be afraid to run your photosthrough an Instagram filter or two if you want to first.